nova robinson

the following are beast:

2012-02-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

1. learning new slang from adorable boys.

2. organic frozen fruit smoothies. ev.er.y. day.

3. furious kitchen dancing to florence + the machine.

4. being surrounded by people who are not only incredibly nice, but also hilarious.

5. flight of the conchords and especially keeler's perfect impression of murray.

6. embracing a whole foods, plant-based diet (finally) and feeling fantastic.

7. painting for the fun of it.

8. new, blue moleskins.

9. getting to know myself and becoming friends.

10. "do not fear mistakes. there are none." - miles davis.

More stuff I like.

2011-09-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

1. Playing ridiculous games with the kids. 2. Are you being fasheeshish? ARE YOU BEING FASHEESHISH?! (Probably not.) 3. "I'm Yours" by Mr. A-Z who IS awfully little and cute, after all. 4. Huge collection of journals. 5. Loads of healthy vegan meals lately and absurdly good juicing. 6. Having an awesomely fun boss. 7. Friends that are like family and family that are like friends. 8. Not being too embarrassed to make a gigantic stink in a store. 9. Hugs. 10. Not turning things that are not a big deal into a big deal.

Things I like lately

2011-09-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

1.Having a killer time last weekend with my ladies.

2. This quote from Frank Warren (the guy who started PostSecret) "Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world."

3. Keeler enjoying and being totally great at karate.

4. Talking with a mom in town about the goodness of mankind and feeling super connected to her.

5. Fel's adorable reaction to finding out he was having a playdate with one of his best buddies: goofy grins and knee-slapping all around.

6. Best cheesecake ever from the local farm market.

7. Being introduced to the band Jets Overhead.

8. Getting paid to ROLLERSKATE tomorrow.

9. Clean sheets on the bed.

10. Krip still impressing me and making me laugh with her vocabulary skills after all these years.

wicked awesomeness

2011-09-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

1. Talking to Helen in the rat voice

2. Making friends

3. Upcoming dance party

4. Nick Swardson's farting ghost and cat diarrhea jokes

5. "you can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart"

6. Seeing Loretta tomorrow after not seeing her in a long long long time

7. Daniel Pinkwater

8. Working with Rudy when he is in a happy moody

9. Talking in Boston accents all day at work. Everyone was a wicked pissah

10. Having a shitload (or dick hole) of love in my life

mo'

2011-09-07T13:58:00.001-07:00

1. Fooling around with my new camera and taking a picture of myself in which I am a) scowling and b) my dad 2. Patchouli 3. A day off in the middle of the week 4. Splitting a yummy breakfast and good conversations with Cadi 5. Having permission granted by a New Englandah to use the word "wicked" 6. Talking on the phone with Krip and laughing and realizing, again, that we aren't just laughing at the current hilarity, but all the years of hilarity all added up and feeling wicked lucky 7. Keeler loving Karate and being awesome at it 8. Being invited to do surprising and random activities with surprising and random people (shout out, Pesce) 9. Marth's hand-me-downs which thrill me to death 10. A new word that describes today's rainy weather: dragamuffin

I took this picture because I love Krip

2011-09-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

And lubbers gonna lub. Woot. This day was rad and here are some reasons why: 1. I bought a camera. (and it was on sale! double woot.) 2. I was mad productive this morning. 3. Eliott got a ridiculous and cute little blue elephant from the vending machine and named it Squinky. Which is perfect because only one eye is colored in. 4. The kids got into a huge Squinky-related wrestling match on the floor of ShopRite and I just laughed and laughed. 5. Coconut rice with peanuts, golden raisins and cilantro. Fuck yeah, yo. 6. Salsa all ready to go to Kelley's little ol' shindig tomorrow. In the fridge, flavors marrying. 7. Clean sheets with the top at the bottom and the bottom at the top because I can do what I likes. 8. Awesome realization: I don't have anyone to argue with. Word to your mutha.

list of groovy goodness

2011-09-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

1. apple and peanut butter

2. discovering half a bar of "honey I washed the kids", best smelling soap on the planet. (thank you very much, Krip.)

3. Fel turning 7 and loving every minute of his day.

4. kids dancing and twirling glow sticks behind the stage at every concert this summer

5. recognizing expectations and letting them go

6. ridiculous amount of cupcakes

7. house full of boys dancing and singing "dynamite"

8. Eagles

9. Fel wearing the tattoo sleeve on his leg and thinking that grown-ups are "falling for it"

10. Wrestling around with two adorable children, joking with Keeler about Fel's police undies and police lips, pretending to be ghosts that say "boooo....bies"

Real Llife

2011-09-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today I cried for several consecutive hours. I cried all the way up route 130 and kept it up in the store once I arrived. I cried walking around town in the dark. I cried while I ate jolly ranchers and watched crickets. I cried and cried and cried my eyes out. But, I did not smoke.

I think smoking was a more effective procrastination tool than I realized. It allowed me to avoid more than just my "to-do list". I was also avoiding looking at the unpleasant truth of things. I would just go sit outside and smoke. Now that I am giving it up, there is nowhere to hide. Everything is bubbling up, rising to the surface. And I am afraid, but I also love it.

I am finally, after many months and many moons, accepting that the relationship is over and truly a done deal. I have been telling myself all sorts of stories, all manner of denials. "Maybe he misses me, too. Maybe he feels the same way I do. Maybe one day he will realize what he's missing and change his heart, his mind." Because of these stories, I didn't want to move on. I didn't want to delete the emails, all the texts from the beginning when things were glorious. "Eventually," I told myself, "when we get back together I'll want to have those things to remember." I am finally accepting that this will never happen. I am accepting that there is nothing to hold on to; the past is the past no matter what stories I tell myself about it.

So now I am facing it, allowing the grief to wash over me. It feels like hell.

It also feels pure and real. And uncomplicated (at least when I stick with it.) But, I notice that I want to be angry. I want to demonize him and cast myself as the victim. I catch myself constructing these elaborate stories about how he wronged me. There is nothing happening, all just stories I am telling myself.

And there is another story. This is the one where I sweep my real feelings under the rug so we can be friends. Believing in any story I tell myself won't work.

What I want is the easy way out, to pin a label on it, an answer, something concrete so I can wrap the whole thing up: all figured out. The truth is that there is no absolute truth. And tonight I recognized that I don't have a choice. If I want to live honestly, I need to stay in the moment where it is uncomfortable and messy. I need to steep in it and let it all seep in. It can be a scary place to hang out, but it is real life.

It's time to start telling myself a new story. Maybe it will be a list of possibilities or a love letter to myself. Maybe I will make my life a poem that begins with "love attracts love". Or maybe, I will stop believing in my stories and just allow the the beauty of the world to rise up and meet me.

Don't call it a comeback

2011-07-31T20:03:00.001-07:00

Six word project back on until I come up with something else I want to do on here. And also in the interest of forcing Cait to write something on her blog.

Canoe on the lake, Heron watching.

My own psychology confounds me. Bummer.

and because I am still without a camera after having my last two broken by careless chilluns, I am posting a photo taken by Amy because afterall, I like photos.

Halloweenies

2010-11-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am the Heart Chakra.

Fel is Mario.

and Kman is an Attorney at Law.

I love our family and I love painting monsters together for the Halloween wall:

Next Monster

2010-08-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

This second one took a really long time to come together. Fortunately, people have been acting extra crazy lately so I have a lot of inspiration for number three and beyond.

ugh.

2010-07-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Everything is a fart. My mind is acting up today with loads of proof that I am a lousy human being who: 1. is not terribly well-liked. 2. is NOT doing anything good with her kids. 3. IS passing on a whole mess of neuroses to her kids. 4. is a big not-at-all-cute fatso. 5. lives in falling down house with incredibly stinky rats. 6. will never change. Screw you, mind.

ahhh, beach

2010-05-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Dream

2010-04-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

My mom used to have a dream of white light that made her feel wonderful for months. I think about this all the time and wish that she still dreamt this lovely dream.

Melissa's socks

2010-04-05T08:19:00.001-07:00

A girl in my class told me that she buys fun-looking socks whenever she is blue and now has so many she can't be bothered to match them so she always has two different socks on. Yesterday, I couldn't find two matching socks and I remembered her telling me this story. Wearing socks that don't match is freeing.

365 2010: rare picture of me being happycute

2010-03-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

I am more pleased today than I can remember being in a long, long time and here's why: 1. Madhatter conversations with Vicky last night = feeling possible all over again 2. fat ass 100% on most recent school paper 3. laughing with Krip tonight and always 4. Isaiah telling us about rofl (rhymes with waffle) 5. Keeler's favorite band The White Stripes rocking our house and car lately 6. rats standing on their hind legs 7. creating and playing Mario bowling with a cute red-headed Fel 8. art making 9. Stack of books borrowed from Krip, including "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" which is bizarre and delicious. 10. collection of items found in library books 11. Rb and me, cheek to cheek

365 2010: oreo

2010-03-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

365 2010: Keeler has cool hair

2010-03-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

365 2010: best-looking salad around

2010-03-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

365 2010: Magnolia buds are beautium

2010-03-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

365 2010: beautiful, friendly cow

2010-03-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

365 2010: Fel pretends to be Wolverine

2010-03-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

365 2010: Forsythia, puny and blooming

2010-03-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

365 2010: beautiful bricks

2010-03-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

365 2010: Fel enjoys haircuts big time

2010-03-21T21:54:00.000-07:00

365 2010: I envy Ken, the least self-conscious person alive

2010-03-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

365 2010: cutest and sweetest

2010-03-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

365 2010: mom's easter tree

2010-03-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

365 2010: library antics

2010-03-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

365 2010: unsuccessful sunset

2010-03-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

365 2010: globe pencil sharpener

2010-03-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

365 2010: group hug

2010-03-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

Dream Mouse

2010-03-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

365 2010: Half sleepover

2010-03-13T21:47:00.000-08:00

365 2010: some apples

2010-03-12T21:46:00.000-08:00

365 2010: The Little Lebowski

2010-03-11T21:33:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Stella

2010-03-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

2010 365: celebration

2010-03-09T19:34:00.000-08:00

Fel and I realized we hadn't celebrated his half birthday, so we did.

2010 365: some rowhouses on a sunny day

2010-03-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Nancy and Axel

2010-03-07T19:27:00.000-08:00

Nancy and Axel are cuties and their house is fun to eat brunch and play at.

2010 365: that mouse I was talking about

2010-03-06T19:19:00.000-08:00

I love this guy. I would like Marth to add him to her collection of cross-eyed tuxedo pets.

2010 365: another lovely morning

2010-03-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

2010 365: stained glass window

2010-03-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

2010 365: wowser

2010-03-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

2010 365: on the way

2010-03-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

On the way to get Keeler at school, this is the place that sounds the prettiest because there are lovely wind chimes in that tree there.

2010 365: Split pea soup rules.

2010-03-01T19:26:00.000-08:00

2010 365: grumpy lizard

2010-02-28T19:17:00.000-08:00

I brought the kids to the pet store to show them a mouse I am in love with. He was sleeping, but this guy entertained us.

Rats are full of lub.

2010-02-28T12:20:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Model Ships

2010-02-27T19:13:00.000-08:00

The kids have been really into making these wooden models. I love that Eliott isn't limited by the instructions.

2010 365: favorite ever Christmas wrapping paper

2010-02-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Getting ready to sleddy

2010-02-25T18:39:00.000-08:00

2010 365: the MOON!

2010-02-24T18:36:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Riley

2010-02-23T18:32:00.000-08:00

This is my mom and Ken's dog Riley. She is the first dog that I started to fall in love with. Whenever I look into her eyes, my heart breaks in a good way.

2010 365: who ARE these people?

2010-02-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Fel tried to avoid this picture and failed

2010-02-21T18:28:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Vincey is a playful elf

2010-02-20T18:27:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Krip and Marth's front door

2010-02-19T18:24:00.000-08:00

I like this decoration and the shadows. And my bffor took the same picture!

2010 365: Keeler likes to be formal

2010-02-18T18:22:00.000-08:00

When we eat dinner at my mom's, Keeler has his coffee in a special cup.

2010 365: Luigi Strikes Again

2010-02-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Pop Pop applies Fel's bedtime Luigi moustache

2010-02-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Fel and I make lists in the morning

2010-02-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Keeler's Homemade Valentine Cards

2010-02-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Window at Krip and Marth's

2010-02-12T18:25:00.000-08:00

2010 365: stages of peanut butter sandwiches

2010-02-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Eliott asleep at the table

2010-02-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

2010 365: all that snow!

2010-02-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

2010 365: snowing at night

2010-02-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

2010 365: first shoots

2010-02-07T18:11:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Keeler in the snow

2010-02-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Stella and Little Fella

2010-02-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

The kids are really getting into the rat girls. Whenever they want to hold them, they put on their bathrobes so the girls can roam around in their sleeves without being too "spikey".

365 2010: jars

2010-02-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

I finally realized that it is winter and time to start making soups and baking cookies. All sorts of deliciousness is happening in the kitchen these days.

365 2010: Fel eating a cookie at the library

2010-02-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

On the way there, he was Mario and I was Blue Toad. We had to do a lot of firing, jumping, spinning and so on. When we arrived it was time to refuel with some homemade chocolate chip cookies before facing Bowser, our final challenge.

365 2010: not amused

2010-02-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

Fel wasn't exactly thrilled about having his funny hair-do photographed, but he's just so darned cute, I couldn't help myself. Is that a crime?

365 2010: Monday Club

2010-02-01T17:41:00.000-08:00

We are quite a group. Love.

365 2010: Krip loves doves

2010-01-31T10:47:00.000-08:00

"Why is the dove the symbol for peace? Why not the pillow? It has more feathers and it doesn't have that dangerous beak!" - Jack Handy

365 2010: Extremely cute Chelsea

2010-01-30T10:45:00.000-08:00

Eliott had a blast at Chelsea's birthday party! They are really sweet friends!

365 2010: Ah, Friday Night

2010-01-29T10:43:00.000-08:00

Here I am, all snuggled in with my pretzels and ice cream, long-awaited Sun Magazine issue and tons of blankets. Heaven, I'm in heaven.

365 2010: Sherry making something lovely

2010-01-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

I liked the way all these pretty beads looked on the green napkin. And Sherry also made a delicious soup! Top Chef!

365 2010: Diner Craziness

2010-01-27T10:39:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Giant Fel and Ian

2010-01-26T13:29:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Jack Skellington

2010-01-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

RB and I watched this super movie. Thanks again, biblioteca!!!!

365 2010: Extreme Junior Mint

2010-01-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

365 2010: Karen

2010-01-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

Here's Karen adorably laughing on our day out together. A very lovely time was had.

365 2010: Buddhas

2010-01-22T18:35:00.001-08:00

Someone in town has these little fellows in the garden. The smaller one always falls off and I pick him back up because I like him.

365 2010: junior rat chicks

2010-01-21T18:32:00.000-08:00

The rat girls got a whole lot of loving today!

365 2010: you know about the buzzards and me

2010-01-20T18:25:00.000-08:00

2010 365: clock

2010-01-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

In addition to the 365 project, I resolved to meditate every day. So far I have stuck to it and have been using Keeler's clock to time myself. It is a good clock for this purpose.

365 2010: walking in town

2010-01-18T18:29:00.000-08:00

365 2010: a lovely snack

2010-01-17T18:09:00.000-08:00

The rats love it, too.

365 2010: Silhouette of Tree

2010-01-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

I love how it looks like it is decorated with ornaments.

2010 365: Fel at the Doc

2010-01-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

He looks so little and cute.

365 2010: Loverly Sky and Trees

2010-01-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

365 2010: A Breast of Pancakes

2010-01-13T11:48:00.000-08:00

In thirteen days of this project, this is the second photograph of pancakes. Hmm...

365 2010: Fel with Donut

2010-01-11T11:46:00.000-08:00

He appears to be angry about something, but is actually enjoying himself.

365 2010: Freckle Face Plant Revival

2010-01-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Monkey Ball in the Snow

2010-01-10T11:39:00.000-08:00

2010 365: Stella and Junior Bendaroos

2010-01-09T11:34:00.000-08:00

I like the Bendaroos and made these figures of the rats because I am now a crazy rat lady. Junior looks like there is something wrong with her, which is not the case in real life.

2010 365: Nana and me

2010-01-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

We love each udder.

365 2010: Stella

2010-01-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

One of our beloved rat girls.

365 2010: cutely bundled up

2010-01-06T14:53:00.001-08:00

The top crazy nuts came to register for class with me. They were awesomely well-behaved.